My Melancholy

"You are slowing drifting away. I will not be in surprised if one day You'll gonna end up forgetting my name"

Here I am again at the very edge of my sanity struggling to breathe hoping that you will light the way towards you. Praying that this would be the time you will finally realize my worth. But prolonged sadness made my heart heavy and my eyes blurred with tears as I look at you. You seemed not to bother staring at me or even take a second of a look. Instead you slowing make the distance between us grow bigger as you let the very last memory of you and me be the part of MY MELANCHOLY.

I remembered how many times you let my feelings hurt. How many times I let myself blamed for everything that has happened, or how many days the sun in our world didn't showed up in the sky because you weren't there by my side. But I also remember those times when I find myself smiling because of your joke. Or even touched my heart with the simplest words of love. But now all of these feelings are cold and dull. Now I'm confused. Isn't that love have to shared both ways? Giving your love and receiving at the same time. But why am I feeling this way? Giving all my love to someone but none in return?

I almost fell in the abyss of my own wrath. I even learn to cursed you at your back. Filling my heart with so much anger and forcing my thoughts to hate you. There are times that I almost lost my faith in myself. Feeding the negativity inside of me. But I suddenly had a change of heart. There is this pure feelings inside of me that even anger cannot pollute. I have realized that the deepest part of my heart belongs to you. That even the most negative thoughts and raging wrath cannot hide. This is where the love came from. The kind of love that will never need something in return. The kind of love that will choose your happiness over mine. Love that is always there no matter what. Always present in my heart. Always thinking of your happiness, even that happiness doesn't include mine.

Now I understand what love is. Loving is not owning. Loving someone is like letting the most beautiful butterfly out of your hands. Giving it freedom. Making it happy. Now I am ready. I'm opening my arms that was once sealed tightly. frightened to let go. I am now giving you the freedom to choose.

I know that parting was never an easy thing to do. Leaving the memories and feelings empty and cold. But i know parting is just a word supplementing the idea of temporary distance between us. But the bond is always there. Not in the form of love between two individuals but love that is always present within our hearts.